Lost in her body The girl dreamed of Bewitching powers Now given by Eyes dark and darkly ringed with Flutter of lash By lips once childish Now gazed at Now deemed irresistible Her newly born Softness of limb Of skin Her freshly burst curve Of breast Of hip Where before none grew She was drunk on her Power over all None could resist Could say no The world was hers
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Anger in her eyes
Look anywhere but at me Angry at the world that Conspires against her Time after time Bounces her from home to home And none of them are home Bounced off the walls Is more like it Mom didn't care Dad got lost Lots of hurt Early and late From every corner And now I want her To tell her story again Go all over it again She looks with hate Anger contempt And is so deeply sad Deeply hurt Neurosis traces back to
Earliest bendings and twistings Of the spirit along a path Not meant for Planned happenstance Takes the innocent life And dents it a bit Bends it out of shape Flattens the curve Curves the straight line Twists to new shapes That were never meant to be It doesn't come from nowhere But definitely from An exact starting place Words and actions that made The road turn And made the innocent one Lose track of The truth You can't I can't Make assumptions Think I understand what is Going on in someone's mind It is not so obvious Thirty thoughts per second Going on all day Inside every person So your assumption My assumption Is only that Maybe based on history But we can't hear all those thoughts We have no idea The complexity of experience Let's just wait and see And not assume anything Keep your eyes off the future No way to know it Don't look at the past No way to change it These words the mother said To her child Don't regret what was Don't long for what will be Live right now Every minute Every day Live Pay attention Not to the ground Under your feet Look at the sky The sun the stars All your imaginings Live in the right now My child Just live She wears a veil over her heart
Her heart's in mourning She's waiting now For life to start She waits to Start her life again She wears a chain over her heart She's locked up in it Waiting for all the Robbers and thieves To win her heart again She's building walls Around her heart She hides within them She waits for warriors robbers and thieves to steal her heart again She waits She waits She waits Irritable
Every small thing Sets me off dirty dishes Missing cords Anything All day long I practice patience Stop myself before Knee jerk reactions Take deep breaths But what happens when I finally get home is All my patience got used up All my breaths are Already breathed I'm all reaction No measured response Really what it is All raw emotion Needing comfort Regressed to six again Wanting to be Picked up And held Please I made the mistake Of reading a local Article from Ferguson About this week's violence I wish I hadn't seen What the local bigots wrote Let it burn Get what they have coming Those people I was fooled into thinking That everyone was feeling The same outrage I felt Clearly I was mistaken There is more going wrong in Ferguson Than just the police force And what can I do With this sadness Talking loud on a dark road Late at night After a party Lots of us uncaring Of our effect on others Because there were lots of us Lots of homophobes In middle school pick on The smaller boy who hates sports And loves fashion design They mash his face In the dirt Brave and angry because There were lots of them Lots of angry racists Brave enough to shout Ugly words Brave enough because There were lots of them So what happens when we're alone What if we are quiet black and gay Then what will we do When there aren't lots of us What then Moving on past guilt
Leave behind the weight of history How to shed this used up skin The shell of old self Several selves ago Before awareness When I was not fully grown Not aware of deeper meaning Life's gifts I need to forgive the past Not hang on Like an old favorite shirt that Only looks good to me But is really tattered and torn No good for even warmth Let go of this illusion of comfort Let go of vanity Of tricking myself into believing the illusion Breathe in new life New hope Knowledge of goodness to come A future filled with rich growth Let go of thinking I can help when I am only providing a crutch When someone could learn to walk To run without a shoulder to lean on To hold them back I'll let go of all of this vanity The thought that I am irreplaceable Let go of old patterns Move on to frightening passages Change is frightening And to fight change is to Invite stagnation I will make changes in my thoughts I will forgive perceived wrongs Start anew Welcome life with all Of the surprises Joys Fears I will forgive I will move on I will |