What is the feeling Of opening the mind To the moment The lift and expansion Attention to the sound Of pulse Blood rushing with Heartbeat almost at One Mississippi A little faster Eyes drop back in The head senses open Smell the air Cool on cheek and Forehead Feeling of nothing Of space A pause As long as a breath Blissful
0 Comments
Heartbeat loud Pulse in my head Throat constrict Heaviness pulls down Like a tide Washing in Covering everything First a breath Deep and again Then make a call And another until Someone answers Talk it out Until pulse slows Chest softens Returns to something Like normal Where does it come from And When will it return Again I wanted to thank you For telling me I was right I was raised to take abuse When you said yes you're right I suddenly felt a weight lift I'm not imagining this It is no coincidence that I end up with abusers I was trained From childhood And trained well Now what can I do I don't want to be this person Live this life I want to change Churning half thoughts Vague aches Bits of song Winding around throughout I lie and struggle Trusting sleep will come I try reading A few gentle poems Pet the cat Turn over And over Begin bargaining Just two more hours Will do Sleep eludes me Time to think but Thoughts jangle Half at a time And lead to nothing A tangle of tight muscles And aching head And what of tomorrow Will I drag through Or somehow rally To the day In the dark and early hours I bargain with sleep That does not come A gaily patterned Silk shirt And flowing trousers Hang in wait for Tomorrow And give no hint of What is to come What stories Will be told In that quiet room Will the day also Be quiet Or will there be Tears Despair of Trying again A desire to give up Or even to die Not one word of this Is divulged by Tomorrow's costume hanging On the door Grinding down Can only hear one thing Or think one thing Boss impatient Wants me to do it her way Can't hear and not see Sort it out inch by inch Piece by piece Every last instruction Must be exact Lined up perfect And we count down realign Over and over To get it Just right Numbered Ordered And insert exactly Where it goes Tick tick tick Submit Shit I hope it's right I leave and Road rage hits Strange job I have Vague unease Achey body unsettled mind Difficult yesterday Beautiful day but I don't want to Be out in it Enough with the beautiful day Halfway through it The thought comes Of course One year ago today My father died And I was there For the whole thing No wonder So it's ok To feel this And to just let it be What it is Can't change it Just sit and watch As the day goes by Waves of high and low Highs intense Work nonstop Feels like speed Like a drug And like a drug that Wears off Then comes the Crash Low down Slow drown Until I catch on And say why Wait a minute This does not have to be There is another choice I can turn Inward Breathe slowly And again Until the ground Is firm Underneath me Once again Lose myself in a book A nice break Crime and mystery Other people's lives and Troubles Worry and preoccupation recede As I drift In the nebulous Of crime solving I start to believe I too Would have the Quick wit Reflexes To win In the end The good guys Almost always do No cell reception anywhere I huddle under an overhang To get the call Sheets of rain pour around my shelter As I gaze over the flooded land To the lake A bolt of lightning Splits the sky Lights a single dead pine Bare of limb or leaf At its peak hunches A cormorant Oblivious to the storm The great bird Shifts his weight and Stays Perched high alone Above the flood Exposed to nature's fury And is unmoved |